Tidying-Up: Couples Counseling Edition

Image of a couple: a Black man and White woman both smiling while sitting near a fountain about to kiss.
How to bring those sparks of joy back into your relationship.

Aren’t we all a little obsessed with Marie Kondo right now? I just can’t get enough of her bright smile, optimistic energy, and soul-moving wisdom. Her show has me reflecting on how much clutter affects our emotional state. Have you noticed how many couples say that clearing-out the clutter has helped their relationship?

It’s true that our inner state is affected by our environment. It’s also true, however, that our environment can be a reflection of our inner state. Chaos on the outside can be a sign of disorganized emotion. Likewise, a space that is polished to perfection could be the sign of a harsh inner critic. If this is true, what does your living space say about your inner world?

If you’re sharing space with a partner, what does your living space reflect about your relationship? Are you a couple with so much on your plate that you can’t keep the house organized? Do you hold on to things longer than you need to? If this is the case, there may be some things in your relationship that could use a little “tidying.”

What’s Cluttering Your Relationship?

Regardless of whether your home reflects it or not, holding-on to resentment can be toxic for a relationship. Much like tidying a home, tidying your relationship requires:

1) Putting it all out there so you can see what you’re dealing with. Consider a weekend away or a date night to devote time to sharing your relationship concerns. If you need help identifying the problems, couples counseling can be safe, neutral space to unpack the things that are messing with your relationship.

2) Choosing which elements of your relationship are welcome to stay, and which need to go. I love that Marie Kondo has us “thank” the items that we need to let go of. Many times, we use negative coping skills in our relationships because we don’t know what else to use. Thank those habits for trying to help you but it is now time to move on with new ones.

3) Learn New Skills.  As a couple, you’ve gotten into a rhythm. Sometimes that rhythm is so familiar that we stick with it, even when it’s not really working for us. We may not know how else to be with our partner. We just feel stuck. Just like developing any new habit, it is absolutely possible to find a new rhythm, all it takes is guidance, motivation, and determination. Don’t give up!

If this sounds like a journey you are ready for, I want to help you get un-stuck so you can find the joy in your relationship again. Contact me today for a free consultation. If you’re reading this and not local to the Austin area, head over to Psychology Today for list of Couple’s Therapists in your area.

Wishing You Joy,

Consider Reading These Articles Related to Couples Counseling:

When Your Partner Resents Your Growth

How Couples Counseling Works

Before You Go to Couples Counseling

Continue Reading